"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

So I got to go to Auburn last Thursday and Friday. It was really the first time I had been there since Beth and Claire lived there. I had been back a few times for a wedding and a couple football games but this is the first time in 6 months I was able to go and visit with people. It was SO great to see everyone. Just being in Auburn gives me this sense of peace and comfort. You can't understand that "Auburn" feeling though unless you've lived there. I call it the Auburn experience. It's so nice though that after all this time I can go back and I still get that same feeling. I mean I know it's different and I can feel that it's different but there's still the same "home" feeling I get when I'm there. It's even weird now to think I use to live there, that seemed like so long ago. But I will always have a special place in my heart for Auburn, I did a lot of growing there and have so many wonderful memories.
There are many many many reasons Auburn and Atlanta are different but 2 things I thought about this weekend....
1-In Auburn when you walk out and your car is gone you know it was towed. In Atlanta if you walk out and your car is gone you know it was stolen.
2- In Auburn the bar is full of classy people. In Atlanta finding classy people is like searching for Waldo.
I feel like I'm slowly getting back to my old self again. It has certainly been a process though and I'm not quiet there yet. Sometimes I feel like it's a one step forward 2 step back process. I do feel a little stuck though. I have many wonderful close friends but yet I still can't seem to find much comfort. I think it's suppose to be that way though, at least for now. I can't believe how much time has gone by though. I'm thankful it has but at the same time its a little discouraging that so much time has gone by and I'm still struggling a little bit. But this is a growth period for me so I need to just let it be and not be so caught up on time.
Despite the horribly rough semester a lot of good has come from it and there's been a lot of wonderful experiences. I got to watch the birth of a baby, I became a Godmother, Auburn is undefeated and hopefully going to the SEC championship, I met some new people, I tried new things I wouldn't usually try, I love my jobs and the people I work with, I am seeking God now more than ever and that is something I have so desperately needed to do for a while... just a lot of good has so far come out of the semester despite the bad.
I am looking forward to the holidays. I'm excited to be home, to be with family, to see friends, to work on all that holiday stuff I love to do... buy gifts, cook meals, wrap gifts, watch elf, bake goodies, send out the Christmas newsletter, exc. Also, I'm ready to end this year and start fresh next year. I'd hate to think my year was define by a negative situation that I've been dealing with for 8 months... but maybe I should just look at it as a big learning and growing experience and just look forward to what the next year will bring!
I'm going to end with a quote Claire shared with me a quote today that I really needed to see.... "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." -Theodore Roosevelt

Jeremiah 29:11

So I've apparently entered a new level.... you know how when you were growing up you would graduate from your current grade level and it would feel like such an accomplishment and you took time to celebrate? Then you start the next year and things are hard all over again... well apparently that's how life works. Except currently I have just started a new grade level.
When I went to Auburn I had a big period of down time where I had no one to turn to but God. I grew so much during the time and learned so much. I was so thankful for that period and the struggles because it got me to the next phase in life which is when I met Beth and Claire... my comfort.
Somewhere between then and now my relationship with God drifted... maybe because I had comfort, I was stable, life wasn't extremely challenging like it once was, I was content.
Then I lost that comfort... I moved from Auburn, we all moved away from Auburn. But I found new comfort, a temporary comfort, that was hard to let go of.
I feel that God has used my current situations to bring me back to Him, to teach me that He is all that I need.
I had a really good talk with one of my best friends the other day. She told me a story about a prayer she recently prayed and through that prayer God showed her that it's all about His timing. He even answered a prayer she had during our phone conversation which was proof enough that He is in control of our lives. This friend gave me the insight I so desperately needed. This pain and struggle I have been going through are far deeper than I had thought. This one thing has triggered a few issues that have been there but that weren't being dealt with.
My moms passing... 4 years later and I still sob at all I'm missing from not having a mom. I know that sounds so selfish because I know she's in a better place. But what I would give to just have a hug from my mom again, that comfort back that only a mother can provide.
Auburn, I have had that place on a pedestal for a while now. How could I not? That place brought me more happiness in 3 years then any other earthly thing has ever provided... but that happiness and those blessings all came from God. If I continue to keep Auburn on that pedestal and compare everything to it I will never be able to live in the here and now and be happy. I need to find happiness from where I am now in life and make the best out of this situation. Yes, I swore I'd never come back to Georgia and I threaten to leave all the time. But I am here for now and there is a reason for that so I need to trust God and be content with it.
I have a lot to work through, but I will get there. Life is about growing and changing and learning. This is just part of that process. Sometimes life is more challenging than others and this is just one of those times. But through prayer and my relationship I'm building back with God I will get through this.


"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

- Jeremiah 29:11

Oh life...

So I realized today I've only updated 3 times in the last year, thats really sad. But the saddest part of the whole thing is realizing that a year has gone by and I still feel very similar to how I did this time last year. I still hate Kennesaw, I'm still not exactly sure why I'm here, I still miss Auburn, and I still look forward to going home when I can because that's where I feel the best (well, aside from Auburn)... I'm not sure what to think of that?! I don't feel like I've wasted a year of my life because of how significant my summer was. Although it has caused a lot of hardship. I feel God has me going through all of this for a reason. I don't know why exactly I'm at Kennesaw, I might not ever know. But I do think I'm there for a reason. I also think I went through what I did this summer for a reason. It might stink right now but someday it'll all make sense. Even the things in life that are avoidable... there's a reason they happened the way they did. I'm definitely learning a lot right now, and some of it hurts. The only way through all this is to hurt. This week is the first time in a while I've felt somewhat back to normal, but that feeling didn't stick around as long as I would've liked. That's okay though, I will have that feel again. I'm just confused right now I guess. I'm suppose to be living it up and enjoying my life right now but instead of I'm hurting from past events and worrying about the future. I need to remember GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight Yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." -Eat, Pray, Love''

"And this is my beautiful life
only thing certain is everything changes
The lows and the highs
And all those goodbyes
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing
To be alive
It's a beautiful life"