Well, it's true... time does heal all wounds. Everyone kept telling me that but it's hard to believe when you're struggling. I am doing much better, I think it certainly has to do with time, maybe even my bad memory lol, and also because of everyone who was there for me. It's hard to believe I am almost through this semester. Certainly the most emotional semester so far. It's also a little sad to think of how much time has gone by, its crazy how fast time flies. This has certainly been a process and still is, but it has gotten easier. I keep thinking I'll wake up one day and be done with it... but it doesn't work that way and I'm glad I'm getting to experience that. It takes baby step, it's not all or nothing the way I'd like for it to be. But you know what, I am thankful for this struggle. I have already learned so much and I can slowly see the good that is coming from it. This forced me out of my comfort zone which has forced me to do things I wouldn't usually do. That is helping me find myself and growing me as a person. Most of the time amazing things can come from stepping out of your comfort zone but you have to embrace it and be willing to let it take you where it needs too. Life is about changes and experiences... it makes us who we are. I still have my bad days, but I'm thankful for how far I've come so far. I know I still have hard days and more recovery ahead of me, but I'm looking forward to all the good that'll come from it. :)
Little Miss by Sugarland
"Little Miss done on love,
Little Miss I give up,
Little Miss I'll get tough, don't you worry 'bout me anymore
Little Miss checkered dress,
Little Miss one big mess,
Little Miss I'll take less when I always knew so much more
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
Yeah, sometimes ya gotta lose 'til ya win,
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
It'll be alright again, it'll be alright again
I'm okay, It'll be alright again, I'm okay (okay) It'll be alright again, I'm okay
Little Miss do your best,
Little Miss never rest,
Little Miss, be my guest, I'll make more anytime it runs out
Little Miss you'll go far,
Little Miss hide your scars,
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
Yeah, sometimes ya gotta lose 'til ya win,
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
It'll be alright again, it'll be alright again,
I'm okay, It'll be alright again, I'm okay (okay) It'll be alright again, I'm okay
Hold on, hold on, you are loved, are loved
Little Miss brand new start,
Little Miss do your part,
Little Miss big ole heart beats wide open, she's ready now for love
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
Yeah, sometimes ya gotta lose 'til ya win,
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
It'll be alright again, it'll be alright again
I'm okay, It'll be alright again, I'm okay (okay) It'll be alright again, I'm okay,
It'll be alright again"
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
So I got to go to Auburn last Thursday and Friday. It was really the first time I had been there since Beth and Claire lived there. I had been back a few times for a wedding and a couple football games but this is the first time in 6 months I was able to go and visit with people. It was SO great to see everyone. Just being in Auburn gives me this sense of peace and comfort. You can't understand that "Auburn" feeling though unless you've lived there. I call it the Auburn experience. It's so nice though that after all this time I can go back and I still get that same feeling. I mean I know it's different and I can feel that it's different but there's still the same "home" feeling I get when I'm there. It's even weird now to think I use to live there, that seemed like so long ago. But I will always have a special place in my heart for Auburn, I did a lot of growing there and have so many wonderful memories.
There are many many many reasons Auburn and Atlanta are different but 2 things I thought about this weekend....
1-In Auburn when you walk out and your car is gone you know it was towed. In Atlanta if you walk out and your car is gone you know it was stolen.
2- In Auburn the bar is full of classy people. In Atlanta finding classy people is like searching for Waldo.
I feel like I'm slowly getting back to my old self again. It has certainly been a process though and I'm not quiet there yet. Sometimes I feel like it's a one step forward 2 step back process. I do feel a little stuck though. I have many wonderful close friends but yet I still can't seem to find much comfort. I think it's suppose to be that way though, at least for now. I can't believe how much time has gone by though. I'm thankful it has but at the same time its a little discouraging that so much time has gone by and I'm still struggling a little bit. But this is a growth period for me so I need to just let it be and not be so caught up on time.
Despite the horribly rough semester a lot of good has come from it and there's been a lot of wonderful experiences. I got to watch the birth of a baby, I became a Godmother, Auburn is undefeated and hopefully going to the SEC championship, I met some new people, I tried new things I wouldn't usually try, I love my jobs and the people I work with, I am seeking God now more than ever and that is something I have so desperately needed to do for a while... just a lot of good has so far come out of the semester despite the bad.
I am looking forward to the holidays. I'm excited to be home, to be with family, to see friends, to work on all that holiday stuff I love to do... buy gifts, cook meals, wrap gifts, watch elf, bake goodies, send out the Christmas newsletter, exc. Also, I'm ready to end this year and start fresh next year. I'd hate to think my year was define by a negative situation that I've been dealing with for 8 months... but maybe I should just look at it as a big learning and growing experience and just look forward to what the next year will bring!
I'm going to end with a quote Claire shared with me a quote today that I really needed to see.... "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." -Theodore Roosevelt
There are many many many reasons Auburn and Atlanta are different but 2 things I thought about this weekend....
1-In Auburn when you walk out and your car is gone you know it was towed. In Atlanta if you walk out and your car is gone you know it was stolen.
2- In Auburn the bar is full of classy people. In Atlanta finding classy people is like searching for Waldo.
I feel like I'm slowly getting back to my old self again. It has certainly been a process though and I'm not quiet there yet. Sometimes I feel like it's a one step forward 2 step back process. I do feel a little stuck though. I have many wonderful close friends but yet I still can't seem to find much comfort. I think it's suppose to be that way though, at least for now. I can't believe how much time has gone by though. I'm thankful it has but at the same time its a little discouraging that so much time has gone by and I'm still struggling a little bit. But this is a growth period for me so I need to just let it be and not be so caught up on time.
Despite the horribly rough semester a lot of good has come from it and there's been a lot of wonderful experiences. I got to watch the birth of a baby, I became a Godmother, Auburn is undefeated and hopefully going to the SEC championship, I met some new people, I tried new things I wouldn't usually try, I love my jobs and the people I work with, I am seeking God now more than ever and that is something I have so desperately needed to do for a while... just a lot of good has so far come out of the semester despite the bad.
I am looking forward to the holidays. I'm excited to be home, to be with family, to see friends, to work on all that holiday stuff I love to do... buy gifts, cook meals, wrap gifts, watch elf, bake goodies, send out the Christmas newsletter, exc. Also, I'm ready to end this year and start fresh next year. I'd hate to think my year was define by a negative situation that I've been dealing with for 8 months... but maybe I should just look at it as a big learning and growing experience and just look forward to what the next year will bring!
I'm going to end with a quote Claire shared with me a quote today that I really needed to see.... "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." -Theodore Roosevelt
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Jeremiah 29:11
So I've apparently entered a new level.... you know how when you were growing up you would graduate from your current grade level and it would feel like such an accomplishment and you took time to celebrate? Then you start the next year and things are hard all over again... well apparently that's how life works. Except currently I have just started a new grade level.
When I went to Auburn I had a big period of down time where I had no one to turn to but God. I grew so much during the time and learned so much. I was so thankful for that period and the struggles because it got me to the next phase in life which is when I met Beth and Claire... my comfort.
Somewhere between then and now my relationship with God drifted... maybe because I had comfort, I was stable, life wasn't extremely challenging like it once was, I was content.
Then I lost that comfort... I moved from Auburn, we all moved away from Auburn. But I found new comfort, a temporary comfort, that was hard to let go of.
I feel that God has used my current situations to bring me back to Him, to teach me that He is all that I need.
I had a really good talk with one of my best friends the other day. She told me a story about a prayer she recently prayed and through that prayer God showed her that it's all about His timing. He even answered a prayer she had during our phone conversation which was proof enough that He is in control of our lives. This friend gave me the insight I so desperately needed. This pain and struggle I have been going through are far deeper than I had thought. This one thing has triggered a few issues that have been there but that weren't being dealt with.
My moms passing... 4 years later and I still sob at all I'm missing from not having a mom. I know that sounds so selfish because I know she's in a better place. But what I would give to just have a hug from my mom again, that comfort back that only a mother can provide.
Auburn, I have had that place on a pedestal for a while now. How could I not? That place brought me more happiness in 3 years then any other earthly thing has ever provided... but that happiness and those blessings all came from God. If I continue to keep Auburn on that pedestal and compare everything to it I will never be able to live in the here and now and be happy. I need to find happiness from where I am now in life and make the best out of this situation. Yes, I swore I'd never come back to Georgia and I threaten to leave all the time. But I am here for now and there is a reason for that so I need to trust God and be content with it.
I have a lot to work through, but I will get there. Life is about growing and changing and learning. This is just part of that process. Sometimes life is more challenging than others and this is just one of those times. But through prayer and my relationship I'm building back with God I will get through this.
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11
When I went to Auburn I had a big period of down time where I had no one to turn to but God. I grew so much during the time and learned so much. I was so thankful for that period and the struggles because it got me to the next phase in life which is when I met Beth and Claire... my comfort.
Somewhere between then and now my relationship with God drifted... maybe because I had comfort, I was stable, life wasn't extremely challenging like it once was, I was content.
Then I lost that comfort... I moved from Auburn, we all moved away from Auburn. But I found new comfort, a temporary comfort, that was hard to let go of.
I feel that God has used my current situations to bring me back to Him, to teach me that He is all that I need.
I had a really good talk with one of my best friends the other day. She told me a story about a prayer she recently prayed and through that prayer God showed her that it's all about His timing. He even answered a prayer she had during our phone conversation which was proof enough that He is in control of our lives. This friend gave me the insight I so desperately needed. This pain and struggle I have been going through are far deeper than I had thought. This one thing has triggered a few issues that have been there but that weren't being dealt with.
My moms passing... 4 years later and I still sob at all I'm missing from not having a mom. I know that sounds so selfish because I know she's in a better place. But what I would give to just have a hug from my mom again, that comfort back that only a mother can provide.
Auburn, I have had that place on a pedestal for a while now. How could I not? That place brought me more happiness in 3 years then any other earthly thing has ever provided... but that happiness and those blessings all came from God. If I continue to keep Auburn on that pedestal and compare everything to it I will never be able to live in the here and now and be happy. I need to find happiness from where I am now in life and make the best out of this situation. Yes, I swore I'd never come back to Georgia and I threaten to leave all the time. But I am here for now and there is a reason for that so I need to trust God and be content with it.
I have a lot to work through, but I will get there. Life is about growing and changing and learning. This is just part of that process. Sometimes life is more challenging than others and this is just one of those times. But through prayer and my relationship I'm building back with God I will get through this.
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11
Monday, November 1, 2010
Oh life...
So I realized today I've only updated 3 times in the last year, thats really sad. But the saddest part of the whole thing is realizing that a year has gone by and I still feel very similar to how I did this time last year. I still hate Kennesaw, I'm still not exactly sure why I'm here, I still miss Auburn, and I still look forward to going home when I can because that's where I feel the best (well, aside from Auburn)... I'm not sure what to think of that?! I don't feel like I've wasted a year of my life because of how significant my summer was. Although it has caused a lot of hardship. I feel God has me going through all of this for a reason. I don't know why exactly I'm at Kennesaw, I might not ever know. But I do think I'm there for a reason. I also think I went through what I did this summer for a reason. It might stink right now but someday it'll all make sense. Even the things in life that are avoidable... there's a reason they happened the way they did. I'm definitely learning a lot right now, and some of it hurts. The only way through all this is to hurt. This week is the first time in a while I've felt somewhat back to normal, but that feeling didn't stick around as long as I would've liked. That's okay though, I will have that feel again. I'm just confused right now I guess. I'm suppose to be living it up and enjoying my life right now but instead of I'm hurting from past events and worrying about the future. I need to remember GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight Yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4
"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." -Eat, Pray, Love''
"And this is my beautiful life
only thing certain is everything changes
The lows and the highs
And all those goodbyes
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing
To be alive
It's a beautiful life"
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight Yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-4
"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." -Eat, Pray, Love''
"And this is my beautiful life
only thing certain is everything changes
The lows and the highs
And all those goodbyes
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing
To be alive
It's a beautiful life"
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Time Changes Everything
I need to do a better job of keeping this updated. I think I am going to take on the blogging challenge. I typically have something to say so why not write it down? lol
Wow, there's certainly been a lot that's changed since the last post...
I went to Auburn for a week in May as my final goodbye for Beth, Claire, & Justin's graduation. That was certainly sad and felt like I was leaving Auburn all over again. May was busy traveling and adjusting from classes to work. I met someone at the end of May who I spent the summer dating. My summer was nothing short of amazing and ridiculously busy. Between my trips, the boy, and work there wasn't much time for anything else. My jobs this summer were awesome as well. I loooved getting to babysit Josh and Tucker again this summer. I also got the opportunity to help Kellie with the children's ministry which is something I have always wanted to do. So summer couldn't have been better and certainly not what I was expecting it to be.
Starting school back in August was rough for many reasons. It was hard getting back into the swing of things after a summer off. Also, things didn't work out with the guy I was dating either so that was hard to handle as well.
It's now been 2 months into the semester and I wish I could say things are better but I'm not quiet there yet. I am doing a lot of traveling and going home. I don't like to be in Kennesaw if I can help it. I also know all these struggles will make me stronger but I have a lot to work through until I can get to that point.
I am however so incredibly thankful for the wonderful people in my life. I have been reminded once again of how blessed I am through this negative circumstance. Everyone has been so wonderful, encouraging, and patient with me.
I am also humored because I had never understood the saying "the more things change the more they stay the same" but that has been true for this semester. Beth & I were laughing the other day at the things we use to get upset about when we lived in Auburn and the songs we liked to hear that related to that time in our life. Ironically those are some of the same songs that still apply to our lives now just in a different way. We also use to get so annoyed at our current situation at that time and now what we would give for one more day in the sweet town of Auburn, I sure do miss my "happy place."
Life is constantly changing and there are no guarantees. But for now, I need to focus on me and enjoying my life despite my circumstances. I have come a loooooong way since I moved here a year ago and a lot has taken place. This is the first time is a long time if not ever that all my closest friends with the exception of a couple live in the state of Georgia. So I need to take advantage of that before it's too late. But I know things will get better and I have a lot of exciting experiences in my future.
Wow, there's certainly been a lot that's changed since the last post...
I went to Auburn for a week in May as my final goodbye for Beth, Claire, & Justin's graduation. That was certainly sad and felt like I was leaving Auburn all over again. May was busy traveling and adjusting from classes to work. I met someone at the end of May who I spent the summer dating. My summer was nothing short of amazing and ridiculously busy. Between my trips, the boy, and work there wasn't much time for anything else. My jobs this summer were awesome as well. I loooved getting to babysit Josh and Tucker again this summer. I also got the opportunity to help Kellie with the children's ministry which is something I have always wanted to do. So summer couldn't have been better and certainly not what I was expecting it to be.
Starting school back in August was rough for many reasons. It was hard getting back into the swing of things after a summer off. Also, things didn't work out with the guy I was dating either so that was hard to handle as well.
It's now been 2 months into the semester and I wish I could say things are better but I'm not quiet there yet. I am doing a lot of traveling and going home. I don't like to be in Kennesaw if I can help it. I also know all these struggles will make me stronger but I have a lot to work through until I can get to that point.
I am however so incredibly thankful for the wonderful people in my life. I have been reminded once again of how blessed I am through this negative circumstance. Everyone has been so wonderful, encouraging, and patient with me.
I am also humored because I had never understood the saying "the more things change the more they stay the same" but that has been true for this semester. Beth & I were laughing the other day at the things we use to get upset about when we lived in Auburn and the songs we liked to hear that related to that time in our life. Ironically those are some of the same songs that still apply to our lives now just in a different way. We also use to get so annoyed at our current situation at that time and now what we would give for one more day in the sweet town of Auburn, I sure do miss my "happy place."
Life is constantly changing and there are no guarantees. But for now, I need to focus on me and enjoying my life despite my circumstances. I have come a loooooong way since I moved here a year ago and a lot has taken place. This is the first time is a long time if not ever that all my closest friends with the exception of a couple live in the state of Georgia. So I need to take advantage of that before it's too late. But I know things will get better and I have a lot of exciting experiences in my future.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thankful Change
Well I haven't posted in 5 months and a lot has changed!! Last semester was HORRIBLE, there was just so much going on, I was unhappy, adjusting, overwhelmed with school, and my emotions- Ahh! But Christmas break I worked on changing my attitude towards Kennesaw to have a fresh start in January. Well at the start of this semester I could already see a huge difference. My emotions were more stable, which makes a huge difference. My classes weren't as challenging and my overall attitude towards Kennesaw was so much more positive and hopeful. I also had a good mentor who encouraged me to let Kennesaw affect my life like I did in Auburn.
Looking back at the way this year has unfolded it's so obvious to me that God certainly had a plan for me coming here. I just couldn't see it last semester because I didn't want too. I didn't understand why God was moving me during my friends senior year in Auburn but really I have still gotten to be apart of all the important things and I think it actually worked out better than it would've if I still lived there. Also, there were sooooo many ups and down and change of plans with my senior friends and their futures just in the last 6 months that it has made me thankful that I was already located and stable. Relationships have changed since the move and I think at first that was one thing that really made me bitter. But life is going to happen and things are going to change regardless of how much you might not want it too and it's something that I am having to learn to accept.
One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn was through people. The relationships I made in Auburn meant so much to me and truly changed my life, so much in fact that I had the naive idea that not much would change when I left. I was so wrong to think that and it took a while for me to accept that the people who had meant so much to me in Auburn had moved on without me. It's not that they necessarily don't care, but its college and things are constantly changing from year to year and if you're not there you get left behind, its just the way it works. Also, no matter how amazing you think someone might be... they're still human! I thought that because the relationships I made were with some really good Christian people that it'd be different.... but it wasn't that much different. In fact, the sad part is I've come to realize that even though the people I met in Auburn were amazing, they're actually the people who have been the most judgmental towards me. It's a sad but true statement... Christians are some of the most judgmental people I've ever met. Now before everyone has a duck over that statement... I'm not saying all Christians are judgmental and I'm not saying I haven't been judgmental as well. But because I've noticed this I try hard to let people just be who they want to be. Nothing bothers me more than other people trying to tell people how they should live their life's.
There's been a lot of changes this past year and there's going to be a lot more. I can tell too that I've transformed into more of who I was before I moved to Auburn except an older and wise version of that person... it's like I'm a mix of who I was and who I became in Auburn. But I can honestly say that I am thankful to be where I am right now. This transition is teaching me a lot about life and people and is growing me as a person. And it is really true that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!
Looking back at the way this year has unfolded it's so obvious to me that God certainly had a plan for me coming here. I just couldn't see it last semester because I didn't want too. I didn't understand why God was moving me during my friends senior year in Auburn but really I have still gotten to be apart of all the important things and I think it actually worked out better than it would've if I still lived there. Also, there were sooooo many ups and down and change of plans with my senior friends and their futures just in the last 6 months that it has made me thankful that I was already located and stable. Relationships have changed since the move and I think at first that was one thing that really made me bitter. But life is going to happen and things are going to change regardless of how much you might not want it too and it's something that I am having to learn to accept.
One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn was through people. The relationships I made in Auburn meant so much to me and truly changed my life, so much in fact that I had the naive idea that not much would change when I left. I was so wrong to think that and it took a while for me to accept that the people who had meant so much to me in Auburn had moved on without me. It's not that they necessarily don't care, but its college and things are constantly changing from year to year and if you're not there you get left behind, its just the way it works. Also, no matter how amazing you think someone might be... they're still human! I thought that because the relationships I made were with some really good Christian people that it'd be different.... but it wasn't that much different. In fact, the sad part is I've come to realize that even though the people I met in Auburn were amazing, they're actually the people who have been the most judgmental towards me. It's a sad but true statement... Christians are some of the most judgmental people I've ever met. Now before everyone has a duck over that statement... I'm not saying all Christians are judgmental and I'm not saying I haven't been judgmental as well. But because I've noticed this I try hard to let people just be who they want to be. Nothing bothers me more than other people trying to tell people how they should live their life's.
There's been a lot of changes this past year and there's going to be a lot more. I can tell too that I've transformed into more of who I was before I moved to Auburn except an older and wise version of that person... it's like I'm a mix of who I was and who I became in Auburn. But I can honestly say that I am thankful to be where I am right now. This transition is teaching me a lot about life and people and is growing me as a person. And it is really true that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!
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