LOST

I wish I knew why I was here. Because so far I have had a hard time finding too many things I like about Kennesaw. This has been the most miserable semester I've ever had in college and that's say a lot considering my mom passed away my first semester of college. But at least I was in Auburn, a place I had always wanted to be and that I knew God wanted me to be. And I had tons of support from everyone.
I thought God was calling me to Kennesaw but now I'm not so sure. And on top of that I have gotten hardly any support since moving here. No one cares that I'm unhappy and if they do they have a funny way of showing it. I haven't felt this alone since my Junior year of high school when my mom was sick and I was angry at the world. I am unhappy again and I hate that. I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm so burnt out from this place already and I have no idea how I'm suppose to be here 2 more years. I am going to look into some other colleges.
At this point I really would just prefer to move home for a little while. Which is funny considering I use to feel sorry for the people who were stuck at home for college because of all they were missing out on. This seems to be a trend though, in the past I have spent summers at home to sorta regroup before moving on again. What happens when home is no longer there anymore? That's going to be even tougher than this situation has been. I just don't know what I want anymore or where I belong. I guess this is a normal reaction when you have to leave a place that made you so happy? But maybe not.
I've loved my weekend visits to Auburn but they make me miss the life I use to know even more. Another thing thats interesting is I feel like I'm reliving my "lasts" again this year except this is the for real lasts. Because after this year Beth and Claire will no longer be in Auburn at all so I feel like everything we do is the "last". It's a little funny considering I'm not down there anymore. But its funny because I am still experiencing lasts with them. And I am so thankful I've gotten to be apart of so much this semester. That's a lot of what has keep be going. It's going to be rough when it's over too. I'm dreading May when they graduate. Auburn will for real never be the same for me ever again.
I've also loved going home this year and I'm counting down to Christmas break. Which anyone thats known me in the past knows I typically dread Christmas break! lol But I can't wait to be home for a while... that alone should tell you how unhappy I am here. But then I wonder, will I even allow myself to be happy hear. It's no secrete I have always focused on the negatives (even though I try to look at the positives). But maybe I don't want to be happy here. Maybe I am resentful life took me away from the first place in my life that has made me genuinely happy. There was even a time I didn't like home and never wanted to go back because I had found "better" in life. But now I'm running home because my life isn't "better" anymore.
I know this post probably make me sounds crazy! lol I'm just hurting, unhappy, and lost. I truly felt like this was where I was suppose to be but I have been 2nd guessing this decision since I got here. I just wish I know what to do...