As my time in Auburn is coming to a close I can't help but to be thankful for all that God has done for me in my time here. I have been soo blessed to be here and I will be forever thankful for this chapter in my life. As I look back through how I got here it's now so obvious to me what all God was doing to where even the smallest of things tied into one greater thing in the end.
It all started in middle school when Justin Neisler introduced me to Auburn. Of course I was immediately intrigued because of how close it was to my name but once I came down for my first Auburn football game my sophomore year in high school I immediately feel in love and knew I wanted to someday live here. My junior year Justin asked to me homecoming and said we can either go to homecoming or the Auburn football game and of course I picked the Auburn football game! lol But I knew because of my "technical" diploma I was only going to be able to go to a 2 year school and even though I tried to fix that I had to eventually "give up" that dream and just accept that fact that I had to start at a community college and I had just planned to someday transfer to Auburn. I actually went to the extent of searching for community colleges near Auburn all through high school because if I didn't go to Auburn I wanted to at least be close by. My senior year I was "seriously" dating a guy who I thought I would spend my life with (ahh young and naive love). This guy was an Auburn fan so we spent some Saturdays at football games which made me wish even more I could come to Auburn. Well because of this guy I had made plans to attend school in Birmingham. I knew that wasn't really where I was suppose to be but I ignored it and went with what I wanted... not what God wanted. Well around February of my senior year, surprise- we broke up and so now I was going to be in Bham alone and I just kept on pretending that was really what I wanted. Then someone from church had told my dad about a 2 year school about 15 mins away from Auburn. The way my Dad described it to me by calling it "the bank school" I was thinking yea ok this is a joke but I looked it up anyway. And to my surprise it was EXACTLY the type of 2 year school I had been looking for! So we made plans to come tour and it felt just like home and I knew I was where I was suppose to be. I was ecstatic that after all this time God's plan for me had been what I had always wanted for myself also. Now I know that last comment might seem a little weird. But also in my junior year of high school my mom was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer and I quickly became a very bitter and angry teenager. I felt like the world was out to get me and nothing in my life could go right. Now, thats not true but I had very close minded and bitter view points on life at that point. So it was surprising to me that God was putting me somewhere I actually had always dreamed of being. But I didn't quiet understand why God was sending me off to school when my mom wasn't doing well.
When I got down to Auburn my freshman year, it wasn't exactly the kind of start I had pictured it to be. I was only down in Auburn for a month before my mom passed away. Although, before she passed my mom and I were able to have an amazing adult relationship with me living away from home for a short period of time! lol But I was very thankful for that because those were some of my last memories of my mom and they were really good ones. But being a freshman and having to deal with the loss of a mom was rough. I was trying to make friends but I kept coming home every weekend because that's what made me feel comfortable. However, I did manage to make it to the BCM. Ironically the girls I met during move in went there and they had invited me to go with them. Through the BCM I met some really sweet girls who at first I wasn't sure why God had placed them in my life. They were so different than my friends back home and I felt I was a little too "hardcore" for them. lol I spent a lot of my freshman year alone but by the end of that year I realized that these sweet girls God had placed in my life were definitely for a reason.
Through the summer I got to know these girls and once we started back my 2nd year they were some of my closest friends and EXACTLY the type of friends I had needed. They never met my mom but they were so very understanding and nurturing to me when I was upset and needed someone to talk too. They encouraged me in my walk with Christ and as bad as this sounds that wasn't something I was use too in a friend. These girls became some of the best friend I had ever had and I was so thankful God had put them in my life and I slowly started realizing how He had hand picked them for me. Although Claire claims that my mom picked her out to make sure Claire made me behave! Haha! BCM became my family during my 2nd year in Auburn. I was so amazed at the type of genuine people I met there. Everyone was so accepting and loving to all kinds of people with all sorts of different backgrounds and somehow we all uniquely came together. I felt like Auburn had become my new home and I was struggling a lot that year with home because I had associated it with such bad memories that I didn't really like going back anymore. My friends in Auburn became my support group and my family when I needed them most.
I have had 3 of the most amazing years of my life in Auburn. I am so thankful for the struggles I had to face because they got me here and made me stronger in the process. I have changed so much and learned so much through this experience. God put this whole experience together for me and of course it was so much better than any plan I had. It was nothing I expected it to be but everything I needed it to be. For the first time in a while I was genuinely happy. Each person God placed in my life I have learned something from or has challenged me in some way. This whole experience has changed my life for the better and has made me a better person in the process. Just being in Auburn has been a dream come true! I will never be able to express just how much the BCM has meant to me during my time here. Everyone here has been such an encouragement and inspiration to me and I am thankful to have made some lifelong friendships along the way. I'm not going to lie, I am definitely sad to be leaving and I have a fear of the unknown. But I had that fear before coming to Auburn and look where that got me. So I am following and trusting God to walk me through the next phase in my life. I want to thank my Auburn friends for changing my life, and for showing me a new side to the world and for allowing me to be apart of the BCM family. I fell so blessed to have had this experience and I will be forever thankful that I've had you all in my life!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
An AMAZING gift!!!
A friend provided me with some amazing comfort yesterday! My friend Jessica is a very special friend of mine. I met her a couple years ago when she was a freshman and we instantly had this unique bond because she lost her dad to cancer. She's been the friend that has understood me most during my time in Auburn. Yesterday she called me to tell me about her dream...
She said we (Jessica & I) were in a classroom and I was looking at a book shelve and all of a sudden I started crying with my head in my hands. Then my mom came in and just patted me on the shoulder. I didn't see her but I felt it and looked up at Jessica. Jessica said mom had a huge smile on her face where she could tell mom was so happy and mom knew who Jessica was but then mom disappeared.
I was crying when she told me this because the way I took it was that God chose Jessica to deliver the message to me that Mom is comforting me this week and telling me it's going to be okay. I needed that so much because this is obviously going to be a rough week with my having to move away from Auburn. The last place mom knew me to be was Auburn and that has been rough too. But with that dream I feel as though Mom knows where I'm going and is supportive of that decision and is comforting me as I get through this rough transition time because she knew how much I loved Auburn.
That was definitely a boost of encouragement yesterday and I wanted to share!!
She said we (Jessica & I) were in a classroom and I was looking at a book shelve and all of a sudden I started crying with my head in my hands. Then my mom came in and just patted me on the shoulder. I didn't see her but I felt it and looked up at Jessica. Jessica said mom had a huge smile on her face where she could tell mom was so happy and mom knew who Jessica was but then mom disappeared.
I was crying when she told me this because the way I took it was that God chose Jessica to deliver the message to me that Mom is comforting me this week and telling me it's going to be okay. I needed that so much because this is obviously going to be a rough week with my having to move away from Auburn. The last place mom knew me to be was Auburn and that has been rough too. But with that dream I feel as though Mom knows where I'm going and is supportive of that decision and is comforting me as I get through this rough transition time because she knew how much I loved Auburn.
That was definitely a boost of encouragement yesterday and I wanted to share!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
And so it begins...
Well it finally happened...
I was talking to Marshal today asking him if he had any jelly beans left at his house cuz he stocked up at Easter. And when he told me he did I asked him if I can have some for when I move away from Auburn cuz I'll be sad and then I started crying... over jelly beans!!! So I had to get off the phone really fast! lol How awkward... but I was wondering when I'd start crying at everything!!
Beth and I had a good little chat today. We decided that there's 2 different types of "goodbyes". There's the goodbye where you're moving on in life to go some place better or different and you're either a little sad or just ready to leave cuz you know that's the next step in life. And while you'll miss the place you're at and you're thankful for that experience you're ready to move on in the world. Then there's the goodbye where you're leaving everyone else behind to move on to something that's not necessarily the "next step" in life but more of a continuation of the phase in life you're currently in. And we decided those are the worst because while you know its time to leave, you're not really ready and it's hard to leave everything behind! And of course that's the "goodbye" I'm about to face.
I've only had 2 goodbye periods in my life that I recall. One was when I moved from Shiloh Middle to Brookwood High. I only moved 10 mins down the road but it was enough to make me switch school districts. But that was okay because the Shiloh district had gotten a little rough so while it was sad to leave I was glad to be moving up and going to a better high school. But it did take a long while to "recover" from that cuz I went from being a cheerleader with the kids I grew up with to be a nobody at Bwood... but I was still glad be to at a better school.
Then there was the obvious move from home to Auburn. That was probably the easier move I've made so far. Now I was sad because I knew it was the last time the friends I grew up with would all live in the same town and I was leaving home for the first time so naturally I was sad and very scared but I was ready to leave. I had been ready to leave since I was in 10th grade and since going to Auburn had been a dream for so long I was excited about what the future held. Now I had a bit of a set back once I got down here with my mom passing and it took a while before I was fully adjusted here and met people, but it was an exciting move and one I really was looking forward too!
So that brings me to now... which is by far the hardest move I've ever had to make. What makes it so hard is that my 2 best friends from Auburn are staying and I have to leave. So that automatically puts us in 2 diff areas in life. I have to miss out on their senior year. Then come next year after I'm adjusted to where I am they will be graduating and going into the real world. I feel like I'm leaving on my own, at least when I left home all my friends went there own way and we were able to relate to each other. But thats not the only reason its hard...
For the first time in a long time I was so happy. And as bad as this sounds I'm scared of trying to be happy somewhere else. I can't deny that I was a very bitter and angry person in high school and I don't want to be like that again. And I know that ultimately I am the one that controls my happiness but its hard when I am away from most of the things that make me happy. I guess you could say Auburn has been my happy spot and comfort zone in a way. I formed an amazing yet rare support group down here after my mom passed away and I met some of the most amazing christian people, not including some of the best friends I've ever had and I know from past experience that's not a very common thing to have. I've enjoyed living in my bubble that wasn't really "reality" on how the real world is but I liked being locked up in a naive bubble for a little while. And I'm scared to face "the real world". It's not full of excepting, Christian, caring, loving people unfortunately!
I do know I'll be okay and if you take the emotional side of me out I know logically this is where God wants me and I know it's a good place for me to be but when the emotional side kicks in it gets mushy! haha! But it might have to be mushy for a while til I get to the "other side" and really see that it's for real going to be okay. I am excited to see what God has in store for me at KSU. There's obviously a reason He's calling me here! Please keep me in your prayers during this transition time. I know I can do this and I know I'm suppose to do this, it's just hard leaving behind the most amazing life changing experience I've ever had!
P.S. While this move is hard... I think the worst move of my life will be the day we have to leave Smoke Rise. I've been dreading that move since I was 12 years old! lol Hopefully it won't be ANY time soon!!!
I was talking to Marshal today asking him if he had any jelly beans left at his house cuz he stocked up at Easter. And when he told me he did I asked him if I can have some for when I move away from Auburn cuz I'll be sad and then I started crying... over jelly beans!!! So I had to get off the phone really fast! lol How awkward... but I was wondering when I'd start crying at everything!!
Beth and I had a good little chat today. We decided that there's 2 different types of "goodbyes". There's the goodbye where you're moving on in life to go some place better or different and you're either a little sad or just ready to leave cuz you know that's the next step in life. And while you'll miss the place you're at and you're thankful for that experience you're ready to move on in the world. Then there's the goodbye where you're leaving everyone else behind to move on to something that's not necessarily the "next step" in life but more of a continuation of the phase in life you're currently in. And we decided those are the worst because while you know its time to leave, you're not really ready and it's hard to leave everything behind! And of course that's the "goodbye" I'm about to face.
I've only had 2 goodbye periods in my life that I recall. One was when I moved from Shiloh Middle to Brookwood High. I only moved 10 mins down the road but it was enough to make me switch school districts. But that was okay because the Shiloh district had gotten a little rough so while it was sad to leave I was glad to be moving up and going to a better high school. But it did take a long while to "recover" from that cuz I went from being a cheerleader with the kids I grew up with to be a nobody at Bwood... but I was still glad be to at a better school.
Then there was the obvious move from home to Auburn. That was probably the easier move I've made so far. Now I was sad because I knew it was the last time the friends I grew up with would all live in the same town and I was leaving home for the first time so naturally I was sad and very scared but I was ready to leave. I had been ready to leave since I was in 10th grade and since going to Auburn had been a dream for so long I was excited about what the future held. Now I had a bit of a set back once I got down here with my mom passing and it took a while before I was fully adjusted here and met people, but it was an exciting move and one I really was looking forward too!
So that brings me to now... which is by far the hardest move I've ever had to make. What makes it so hard is that my 2 best friends from Auburn are staying and I have to leave. So that automatically puts us in 2 diff areas in life. I have to miss out on their senior year. Then come next year after I'm adjusted to where I am they will be graduating and going into the real world. I feel like I'm leaving on my own, at least when I left home all my friends went there own way and we were able to relate to each other. But thats not the only reason its hard...
For the first time in a long time I was so happy. And as bad as this sounds I'm scared of trying to be happy somewhere else. I can't deny that I was a very bitter and angry person in high school and I don't want to be like that again. And I know that ultimately I am the one that controls my happiness but its hard when I am away from most of the things that make me happy. I guess you could say Auburn has been my happy spot and comfort zone in a way. I formed an amazing yet rare support group down here after my mom passed away and I met some of the most amazing christian people, not including some of the best friends I've ever had and I know from past experience that's not a very common thing to have. I've enjoyed living in my bubble that wasn't really "reality" on how the real world is but I liked being locked up in a naive bubble for a little while. And I'm scared to face "the real world". It's not full of excepting, Christian, caring, loving people unfortunately!
I do know I'll be okay and if you take the emotional side of me out I know logically this is where God wants me and I know it's a good place for me to be but when the emotional side kicks in it gets mushy! haha! But it might have to be mushy for a while til I get to the "other side" and really see that it's for real going to be okay. I am excited to see what God has in store for me at KSU. There's obviously a reason He's calling me here! Please keep me in your prayers during this transition time. I know I can do this and I know I'm suppose to do this, it's just hard leaving behind the most amazing life changing experience I've ever had!
P.S. While this move is hard... I think the worst move of my life will be the day we have to leave Smoke Rise. I've been dreading that move since I was 12 years old! lol Hopefully it won't be ANY time soon!!!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
As I posted my last entry I realized that it's now July 12....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!
3 years ago today was mom's last bday on earth. How weird is that?! I sure do miss her so much!
Jessica's Dad's bday is tomorrow so we're going out tonight to celebrate our parents bdays!! Just one more example of how blessed I am to have met the people I have in Auburn!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!
3 years ago today was mom's last bday on earth. How weird is that?! I sure do miss her so much!
Jessica's Dad's bday is tomorrow so we're going out tonight to celebrate our parents bdays!! Just one more example of how blessed I am to have met the people I have in Auburn!
"It is you who will have changed"
I went searching for a quote tonight. It was my favorite quote when I was leaving home to move to Auburn. Here's the quote...
We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting, and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you: Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
--Donald Miller
When I read the last part it made me cry. This was the qoute that I held onto when leaving because it encouraged me. And now after 3 years reading it again and realizing just how true it ended up be. It is me who has changed.
Lacie came over tonight to give me a Goodbye gift. It was this adorable little mirror with a few quotes! I love it and I was so touched at such a sweet and thoughtful action. She also included one of the sweetest notes I've ever gotten. Just another reminder at how hard it will be to say goodbye but also at how fortunate I am to have such wonderful friends in my life! I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today without these amazing people I've met in this wonderful little town!
I got a letter yesterday saying I have to be out of here my 9am on July 31st! It was an abrupt reminder at the reality of having to leave. I am holding on with everything I've got! I really don't want to leave... this is so hard!!
I try to make a conscious effort to stay positive, especially now. But that is really hard to do when you're so overwhelmed with sadness. I know I'm not the first person to leave Auburn upset and I know that world isn't going to stop for me (nor do I expect it too) but I'm sure I can appear that way with all my saddest about leaving. It's just that I've always sorta felt like the "bad luck" girl a lot of my life. Don't get me wrong, I've been very blessed!! But high school was a rough time for me and I spent the majority of that time being unhappy and angry because of life circumstances beyond my control. Having the opportunity to come to Auburn was a dream come true for me and this whole experience has by far exceeded my expectations. For the first time in a long time I was genuinely happy and I met genuinely good christian people that to be honest I thought didn't exist. I have been blessed beyond measure with having this experience and it has tremendously changed my life for the better. It's so hard to leave a place that has made me so happy, has meant so much to me, and has changed my life in such an amazing way! I know I am going to be okay and I know I am going where I am meant to go but I am still sad to be leaving behind such a beautiful place where some of the best people I've ever met still are! I found some goodbye quotes tonight I really liked so I want to close with them...
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie
You never really leave a place that you love. You take a part of it with you, leaving a part of you behind. -Lacie's gift
May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand. ~Irish Blessing
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn
We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting, and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you: Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
--Donald Miller
When I read the last part it made me cry. This was the qoute that I held onto when leaving because it encouraged me. And now after 3 years reading it again and realizing just how true it ended up be. It is me who has changed.
Lacie came over tonight to give me a Goodbye gift. It was this adorable little mirror with a few quotes! I love it and I was so touched at such a sweet and thoughtful action. She also included one of the sweetest notes I've ever gotten. Just another reminder at how hard it will be to say goodbye but also at how fortunate I am to have such wonderful friends in my life! I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today without these amazing people I've met in this wonderful little town!
I got a letter yesterday saying I have to be out of here my 9am on July 31st! It was an abrupt reminder at the reality of having to leave. I am holding on with everything I've got! I really don't want to leave... this is so hard!!
I try to make a conscious effort to stay positive, especially now. But that is really hard to do when you're so overwhelmed with sadness. I know I'm not the first person to leave Auburn upset and I know that world isn't going to stop for me (nor do I expect it too) but I'm sure I can appear that way with all my saddest about leaving. It's just that I've always sorta felt like the "bad luck" girl a lot of my life. Don't get me wrong, I've been very blessed!! But high school was a rough time for me and I spent the majority of that time being unhappy and angry because of life circumstances beyond my control. Having the opportunity to come to Auburn was a dream come true for me and this whole experience has by far exceeded my expectations. For the first time in a long time I was genuinely happy and I met genuinely good christian people that to be honest I thought didn't exist. I have been blessed beyond measure with having this experience and it has tremendously changed my life for the better. It's so hard to leave a place that has made me so happy, has meant so much to me, and has changed my life in such an amazing way! I know I am going to be okay and I know I am going where I am meant to go but I am still sad to be leaving behind such a beautiful place where some of the best people I've ever met still are! I found some goodbye quotes tonight I really liked so I want to close with them...
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie
You never really leave a place that you love. You take a part of it with you, leaving a part of you behind. -Lacie's gift
May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand. ~Irish Blessing
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn
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