Where am I suppose to be?!

I'm going to try to get better about updating this thing. The other side to it is a lot of times I tend to use a blog to express how I feel. Which in my opinion is basically what a blog is for... to freely express how to feel about things. But sometimes my feelings tend to offend people so I've tried to stay away from that by just not posting at all. Even though, technically it's your own fault if you get offened because you chose to read MY blog. I love to express myself but Im just not good sometimes at filtering what I say, especially when I'm mad! haha! So as much as I like to update I worry about offending people so I don't. But I'll work on keeping a happy medium.
Anyway, a lot has been going on mentally/emotionally. I've been struggling for 3 months now about what to do for next year. I'm a planning so I like to know but this time around God hasn't been helping me figure it out as much and I've been trying to figure it out on my own and so far that's gotten me no where. I feel so bad cuz I've told people so many different things, I know no one believes me now. And I just want to know!!!!!! I don't even care if it's an igloo in Alaska I just wanna know for sure where God wants me next year! I've sorta gotten that temporaly "right" feeling for a few ideas and I took it and ran with it only to not feel so right about that decison later on.
Christmas Break surprisenly played a big role in helping me decide. I really used that time for a break from Auburn and I really oddly enjoyed it. Like I didn't mind not talknig to people and keeping up when that was a big deal to me before. That really got me thinking. Last semester when I thought I was going to have to leave Auburn I was sooo torn. Just the thought made me cry and I just couldn't understand how God could be done with me here or make me leave a place I love so much with the people that mean so much to me. But after Christmas break I had a whole different look. And every since I've been back it's been a different. The thought of leaving doesn't tear me up anymore... it's more bittersweet. I drove through Auburn on my way back in and looking at Samford made me realize that I love Auburn and I always will... but I'm not IN love with Auburn anymore and I feel like it's time to move on. The significates to that is before when I use to look at Samford I'd like fall in love with Auburn all over again and just know I was where I was suppose to be. Don't even ask why Samford can give me that answer, it just does! haha! But I didn't have the same feeling looking at now as opposed to even last semester. And that was a biiig hint to be. Because I didn't think I was suppose to leave cuz I thought that if God really wanted me to leave He'd give me a peace about it and I def didn't have a peace about it....but now I do. He just wanted me to wait. And it was actually in a devotion I read last week that finally convinced me to just WAIT. Don't plan, don't think about it, just wait. And since then I've had a few leads.
LAst Friday I went home for my Dad's Bday and to take Will on his first college visit to KEnnesaw State. Well I almost didn't go cuz I didn't want to get up that early and I thought Will and I both wouldn't like that school. But I went anyway and I LOOOOOVED IT!!!!! It was like a mini Auburn but in Kennesaw, Ga!! I could totally see myself there and it's basically what I've been looking for. The thing with Columbus was that was my alternative to be able to live in Auburn stil because even when my 2 closest friends leave here I'll still know people and that's more comfortable to me that going some place new. But I really wanted to be apart of a university and live near the school....not commute 40 mins a day. Thats a big sacrafice. And going home wasn't a horrible idea but I couldn't bear to lose all my freedom and I'm pretty much horrified of the area we live in! haha! And I've always loved the Kennesaw area, ever since I went to visit Beth and her family 2 summers ago. And this summer ATL started growing on me. Now I still HATE the traffic and am horrifed of being down there in certain areas, esp at night...but I still enjoyed the convience ATL had with everything they have going on there. It's just perfect and I feel so good about it. BUT I'm not jumping to concludsions... I just applied and I'm waiting to hear back and I'll go from there! But man it'll feel GREAT when I finally have a legit plan!!
So thats that for now. It'll stil be sad to leave. Auburn has been amazing to me and I'm sooo glad it got to be apart of my life becuase I didn't think I'd ever be able ot live in Auburn as much as I always wanted too ever since 8th grade. It's been a dream come true to a certain extend. But life is always changing and I feel that it might be my time to go and moving on to another chapter in my life.
On a side note, home life is going great. It took a while but I think I finally got my family back. Not that I lost them but we were indivisually dealing with my moms death and trying to adjust back to our seperate lifes and together all at the same time and it was a mess for a while. But we're doing great now and we're getting along and spending time together. I'm actually really sad about Will going off to school next year. I'll def miss him. And if I do end up at Kennesaw I'm looking forward to living closer to Dad. And I do still miss mom SOOO MUCH. It's hard to say if it gets easier over time. A loss that big is a big one to recover from and somedays its easier and somedays its harder. It just sorta depends. I miss having a mom more than anything. And no one could ever replace my mom. But I do pray that one day I'll have a really good step mom or mother in law. I just miss that "mother/daughter" part of my life SOOOO much. It's really hard sometimes.
Well that my life in a nutshell. I'm just going to continue to pray that God will lead me in the right direction for next year and I'm looking forward to entering a new stage in my life!!